I want to know you, God. I need to be sure it is you.
If you will seek me you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.
God, my heart would like to trick me – it cannot be trusted. There are times it will skip and trigger adrenaline when it thinks it might be caught, when I feels certain it is wrong – when it remembers the stakes. Then I doubt you can change this.
I get scared.
I cannot let you fall. Feel my hands close around you? I have you securely. Do you trust me?
I want to trust you. I want to
trust what I cannot explain and yet know. I want to trust that you can override my mistrusts. I want to believe that you can do anything you wish with me – even make me face my worst terrors without fear. I hope I can see enough of you that this becomes
a pleasure and not a fearsome grind.
What kind of god do you really want?
One that is stronger than my thoughts, one who can overthrow my
doubts, and one who will show himself to me so clearly that I cannot ever doubt again – one who is so close that I never look down again. I want one whose face blinds me with glory so that nothing else ever sneaks into view from the dark places. I want
a god who can make me laugh in the face of dreads, who can give me confidence when I am scared. I want a god who makes me not care about the tumultuous maze of opinions, yet forces me to desperately love their souls.
do you think I am?
You are the unseen force that drives me to consider you. You are the one intangible entity that impassions me to do things I could never have done alone, and that no tangible entity
could have inspired. You are the god I seek. I have found you. Open my eyes to see you more.
You know me enough right now, and you will know me much more.
IT IS YOU!
I love you.