My husband just now read my last post. Half way through he couldn’t handle it and scoffed at my writing of him as utopian. Sensing my offense, he soon apologized and suggested I write more of the truth, like how he wants to dismiss some of his
patients before even seeing them because he has come to not care for their concerns or manner; or how he wants to grump about his excessive amount of work and just go fishing.
Well this post is my response to him.
Firstly, he has not read even
half of what I have written on this website, though I always offer him that right. Secondly, if he had read the rest of today’s post he would not have viewed the sickeningly too-good world of utopian lifestyle being the object of my words.
Be assured, reader, life in our haven of material blessings is incredible, stunning, dreamlike, gratitude inducing, and somewhat surreal at times. However, we face as many internal struggles as anyone. I would like to think Christians
do more perhaps, because we are more acutely aware of sin and are active at the battle front fighting for our lives and His name.
Be even more assured that my husband is NOT perfect. Frustratingly I love him too much to write in words those things that
irk a normal wife. The only one I feel open to commenting on is his rude and selfish response to my post - especially when it was not about him.
My pride is sulking under his challenge and misinterpretation.
Oh that is awful. Imagine what God
must consistently have to deal with, in knowing His creation has so misconstrued Him, or only read so far into His nature, that they have overlooked the entire point of His major post.
He in His unimaginable patience has chosen to deal with it in wisdom
It is hard to choose the right response, when to you the answer is so obvious. In the giving, giving, giving choice of life with Jesus as boss, it is discouraging for everyone to get complaints, or worry about misrepresenting something.
I understand my husband’s frustrations with his work ministry, and how it makes us feel the opposite of what we know deep down drives us. It brings out our worst at times.
Today my worst is sitting right here with me tempted to give in and have
one little nasty lash at a certain someone to vent my hurt.
It would not be worth it though. Even in a utopian life, the struggle inside to consistently forget those outside that life must be a mental challenge that would drive the best mad.
We are all so flawed and tending to self-satisfaction that you must see with me that the un-utopian chore of treading against the flow to lean into a higher cause is a harder lifestyle than is credited by the world. This lack of credit alone stings
and carries ropes that would pull us under if it were not for the stronger current pulsing inside us.
So is my husband ideal? Not a chance. By golly he is flawed.
As am I. Flawed, scarred, jealous, smoldering with bitterness and complaint.
Only we are both also scared, hopeful, and attempting to lean in the right direction.
God is for us all. His mercy is unmatchable. We find fault with Him daily and He does not flinch. Can I forgive my husband for that insensitive and ill-informed remark?
Only a fool would be let out of jail for a deadly sin, only to hold another captive for a verbal offense.
Perspective is powerful.