As I wrote this novel in such a short time (5 1/2 months) I have taken this last month off to clear my head. While my English teacher friend has completed a basic edit and given me some concept feedback which I have been hanging out for.
that I have it, it confirms the issues I was starting to see from my 'time out'.
I will be spending the next few weeks (or as long as it takes...!) to rework on mostly the second half.
were as follows:
I have finished your book, as per my text to you. Here is some feedback that is more generalised about the whole book.
I loved the beginning half and the end
quarter! Your descriptive flair is original, inspiring and drew me in to your world.
Please remember I am one handed typing here with my broken fingers, so please forgive spelling errors and grammar etc!
So, the third quarter is the part that I think could benefit from the most editing. I think you repeat yourself here, without huge study I can't tell you exactly where but I think you need to go through that area with a fine tooth comb, with a view
to cutting out a lot of text. As you do it, consider, can what is being conveyed, be done so with less words? Have you got any weak words or phrases in there that don't add to the strength of the message/ storyline. Can you use the method
of Brew summarising a section quickly for the benefit of the reader as you have done at times?
Next, I thought as I was finishing the book about something that unfortunately for you would require a lot of work to rectify,
so read this and then make your decision on whether to ignore me…. totally feel free to ignore me! It is about the dialogue. By the end of the story I realised that your characters largely all speak and act similar. Dialogue can
be used to characterize your characters. Each time a caracter speaks, there is the opportunity to develop his/her character through choice of words, sentence structure, dialect, length and variation of sentences, willingness to converse, body language
while speaking etc, This all adds to the show not tell aspect of writing. I think you have done this better at the beginning of your script, perhaps when you were more conscious of developing your characters, but by the end I noted all the characters
reminded me of you. You lost the different characteristics between the sexes too.
I have marked the script in the same way as the fist half, so I reckon you will be able to decipher it, but any questions and I am happy
to sit with you and go through it.
Your storyline is very very compelling, you have done an amazing job here, be very very proud of yourself. I really felt that God has had His hand in your work and that your story is important
and powerful, I hope you take my criticism as constructive, I only give it to help you improve an incredible project you have undertaken. Let me know what you think about the feedback, whether you agree or not, totally welcome not to agree!
Another generalized comment about the compound words. I think! that a compound word needs to be put together if the joing of the two words changes the meaning of the two individual words. Like sometimes, sunflower. So
each time you look see if two words separately will convey the meaning you intend. In one example in youe story this didn't work because the joining of the prefix and the word made an entirely diffrent word with a different meaning, so in that case you
need a hyphen
Best of luck!
Look forward to hearing back from you
Can't wait to see it published!
Oh, sorry, one more thing. About your paragraphing.
In general I think you have changed paragraphs too often. A paragraph is generally three to five sentences long. A one sentence or three word, short paragraph has wonderful power if not overused. You have some fine examples of this
in your writing, but I feel that too many short paragraphs are detracting from the power. In general, change paragraoh when you change setting, change the idea or introduce a new speaker. Aside from that only change paragraph when you want to add
power. Use it sparingly for maximum affect.!!!!!!!!!!!! Hehe, I just put in all the !!!!!! to tease you!!!!
So anyone who feels the urge... pray
for the clarity of my thoughts and the ability to let go of myself and my way of seeing things and let God direct my mind to make the characters unique, the messages in dialogue pointed and short, and the appeal high. Thank you.